Cracking the Code of Financial Genomics

Physician's Money Digest

Is it nature or is it nurture? Is our behavior determinedby our genes or by our environment? Withthe Human Genome Project and new gene discoveriescoming every day, the nature side of the argumentis currently winning. Always interested in newinformation that will help our physician-readers, thestaff of has been keenly interestedin the discovery of some new genes of vital importanceto you.

SPND (Spend) and SVE (Save) Genes

These genes, on the long arm of the 18th chromosome,affect what we do when we are presented withcash. In studies of children, when suddenly given $5bills, those with the SPND gene almost instantly convertedthe money into candy. In those with the SVE gene,the bills disappeared and later were found hidden undertheir mattresses.

In physicians, SPND positives:

• Tended to drive new cars
• Usually grabbed the restaurant bill when in a group

Physicians with the SVE gene:

• Frequently checked their investments
• Munched on pharmaceutical company-providedlunch goodies in lieu of buying their own

CAUT (Cautious) and RSK (Risk Taker) Genes

In further studies, CAUT-positive physicians:

• Generally had employment contracts signed andsealed a year before graduating from residency
• Practiced in the same town as their residency, orwhere they had close friends or family members

On the other hand, RSK-positive physicians:

• Commonly moved, sometimes great distancesfrom friends and family, wherever they perceived thegreatest opportunity existed
• Surgeons with RSK genes tended to eschew smallsurgical offices to start businesses like HemorrhoidCenters of America and Varicose Veins "R" Us

GULL (Gullibility) and SKP (Skepticism) Genes

GULL-positive physicians:

• Leave orders to "put it straight through" wheneverthey get a phone call from a new financial advisorwith another great investment opportunity

SKP-positive physicians, on the other hand:

• Stare absently into space whenever hearing aboutspending or saving opportunities

PHIL (Philanthropy) and SCRG (Scrooge) Genes

PHIL positives tend to:

• Welcome holiday solicitations from charitablegroups and write checks regularly

SCRG positives often:

• Don't support the sick and poor, frequently saying,"Don't I pay taxes for this?"

CLU (Clueless) and QCKN (Quicken Lover) Genes

Physicians who tested CLU positive:

• Don't have any idea where their money goes

Those who are QCKN positive:

• Can tell you their exact net worth at the end ofevery business day

OPT (Optimism) and PSM (Pessimism) Genes

OPT positives habitually:

• Love to invest in new things. In their view, practicallyanything new is good. The world is perpetually gettingbetter, and they want to get in on the ground floorof everything

Time and again, PSM positives:

• Love to invest in gold or mining stocks. Defensiveinvesting is their mantra, as they assume the economywill collapse soon

After reading this, if you want to have yourself testedfor these new genes, I can predict that you are mostcertainly OPT positive. But go ahead and fill out theapplication anyway. If you're dead set against havingyourself tested, you're probably SKP positive. But justthink how much money you can save by cutting outthose pesky financial advisors and developing your ownfinancial plan based on hard data integral to your owngenetic makeup. Just send us a vial of your blood in a redtop tube, along with a signed blank check, and we'll sendyou the results in 6 weeks.

From the Editor: Please note that this article is not based on scientificfact and is only intended to financially educate and entertain our readers.

a family practice physician in

Saginaw, Mich, is the editor of the Saginaw County

Medical Society Bulletin and Michigan Family

Practice. He welcomes questions or comments at

3350 Shattuck Road, Saginaw, MI 48603; 989-792-1899; or louisconstan@hotmail.com.

Louis L. Constan,